April 14, 2017 was a super special day for our family because on this day last year, we conceived Isla. One cool thing about infertility is that you get to commemorate the day your baby is placed in your body, with prayers that he or she will take root in your womb, grow and thrive and become your son or daughter.
It's so wild to look at her now and look at her as a ball of cells, just waiting to be transferred into me. She was our third try with IVF, the second try with our donor-egg-embryos, and my first positive pregnancy test after trying every month for just over three years. Some women fight much longer than we had to and I am always aware that our struggle could easily have lasted longer!
Before facing infertility, I never thought I would undergo IVF. I always thought it was taking things too far, that it was too difficult and too expensive and messing with nature too much. I certainly NEVER thought I would choose to use an egg donor. But I always knew I was meant to be a mother and once this was our only choice, I found that my heart opened to it and I embraced roads to motherhood that I hadn't expected to.
Growing up, I was raised by the man who married my mom and adopted me when I was about a year and a half old. He is my Dad. Since I grew up in a family where genetic connection isn't the most important thing, it was maybe a little easier for me to come around to the idea of letting go of that connection with our own child. I also know, when the time comes that my daughter has questions about our donor, I'll be better equipped to help her through them. I understand what it is to be curious about your genetic background and I understand the undeniable link to our genetic parents. That being said, using an egg donor rather than a sperm donor is complex in that the recipient/parent still carries the baby. Isla and I are still connected on a biological level, even though she carries a different genetic code than I do.
I was told by several healers that the soul who was meant to be our baby would come to us the way he or she was intended to and that I needed to be open to receiving him or her in whatever way I could. Once I was able to see it that way, our dreams came true. I am beyond certain that Isla chose us to be her parents and was the child meant for us. Even with scientific help, God doesn't make mistakes.